Making the most of language in communicating with your partner in your current relationship, and making the most of your skills to make any new relationships blossom has been the theme of the previous two parts of this article. In part three let’s do some exploration around what you do when you realize your partner is not the person you would like to be with or maybe they are restricting your growth into the positive empowered person that you want to be.
It is possible that your partner may find your new skills, your positive outlook and your ability to reframe any objection a little bit confronting or even scary. I have had graduates learn more about their partner after they have attended a NLP training then they ever knew before. It is possible that your partner may have a closed view, inflexible behavior or just think that your new focus and “empowered you” will be just a phase and you will be back to your old self in a week or two.
Many partners will see you as a different person after you have completed this part of your personal development journey. This is the point where you have the best indication if this improvement is going to be positive and in turn improve your relationship or a fork in the road.
Let’s be clear, people have different passions in a relationship. Sport, be it following or playing, hobbies and different forms of relaxation like yoga, reading or hanging out with friends. Your time during your personal development week or two – your NLP training – can be seen as just “that thing that you do” .
It really depends on your personal evolution and how far you want to take it.
Here is the case of a graduate that was retired and her husband. She was all about making the most of their retirement and planning to do all the things that they had not done. He was just happy to drink and smoke in the garage and not really do anything. Of course this was a major issue for her and she was at the point of leaving. To her, he was just not participating in the relationship at any level.
Funnily enough after going through her own journey she found it fine for him to be just what he wanted to be and that she was happy to shrug off any effect he had and get out and do what she wanted. He was just fine for her to go and do whatever it was that made her happy. I think part of it was that he was no longer nagged about his lack of engagement! He had zero interest in NLP but was more than happy for her to get out there and do that “NLP thing”.
Thinking of that example, perhaps we need to take a reality check here: how would it be to have a relationship with a person who is just not going to support you or allow you to be the best you can be? Maybe they are very cynical or maybe they put you down and refer to NLP as some kind of cult.
This brings to mind a student that was attending the NLP Master Practitioner. She had to fly to Sydney and leave her partner with the kids for 2 weeks. Staying with relatives she found out just how much her partner was against her making any changes as he did his best to stop her attendance. He made it so uncomfortable for the relatives she was staying with that they asked her to leave and she had to find alternative accommodation. Of course she did and finished the course and was finally able to stand up for herself and also able to remove herself and kids from the abusive relationship. Something she could never do in the past.
I image this guy would never make it to an NLP Training!
It’s at this time you have to ask yourself a very simple question. Is this relationship worth having? Am I willing to do whatever is needed to make it work? If the answer is yes then ask your partner this question and see if they are willing to do whatever it takes. If they are, then it’s time to do one of two things.
Enforce boundaries or have them enroll in an NLP Training!
Enforcing boundaries it is about standing your ground on what you feel is an appropriate level of support or acceptance from your partner. I heard a story of a family where one member was deeply religious and was completely against the idea of NLP. The other person in the relationship had no idea what the problem was but just respected their model of the world and let it be. Not needing to cross any boundaries, she left it as it was. Many Months after the NLP conversation the religious person found out that their minister was an NLP Practitioner. It was only at this point NLP was ok!
So sometimes having some patience and letting the process of delete, distort and generalize allow the NLP message to come through over time is the best option.
If you partner is just not going to move, then it is time to set some boundaries that your partner must not cross, this is the expression of support for you. Like not referring to NLP as witchcraft or making fun of you and your NLP friends. If your partner sees that it helps you then that should be a good reason not to put you or the techniques down and be supportive of your new found skills.
After that, have them enroll in the course so you can have a meaningful conversation with the closest person in your life rather than having to go out with other people to fulfill your need.
The best approach is to just let the person make the decision to attend. It’s very important that they want to do it for them and not for you. Have them listen to some CDs or read some of the books. One great technique you could share a bit of is the “5 step sales process”.
Peak their curiosity, find out if there is a problem that NLP can help with but whatever you do, don’t do the process with them. Tell them they need to learn it for themselves. That’s a great takeaway.
Here is a tip that I have used: give them the book “The Secret of Creating Your Future®” as a gift.
This book is an easy and fun read, and a great metaphor about improving your life. Some coaches make reading the book a task for a client to complete prior to seeing them!
We would love to hear some tips that you have used to explain, convert or create curiosity in the non NLP person you live with or even in the non-NLP person you would like to be in a relationship with. How did you get that significant someone in your life to a point where they ended up loving what you do and attending an NLP Training themselves after you “enlighten” them! Let’s see if we can get at least 10 tips to help others that have partners who have not done NLP Trainings, but they love?