For Part 1 of this article click here.
So you are single looking for a partner and you’re thinking it might be difficult to find a soul mate, a soul mate that thinks like you, maybe someone who has completed an NLP Training? What do you do? How do you use all your techniques to create that wonderful person and relationship without them thinking you are about to put a “spell” on them or have them constantly worried about looking into your eyes in case you have some kind of “mind-control” over them.
Well let’s just start with a reminder of intent, integrity and ecology. If you are using your tools with the highest intention and applying integrity whilst thinking of the ecology, you will alleviate a lot of backlash when the topic of NLP comes up in conversation.
Another important point is to remember that the skills your learned at your NLP Training are natural skills and that you are just using them to enable change within yourself first.
One word of advice is not to have the conversation about perception is projection too early on the dating scenario, that takes some flexible thinking and it is hard to stomach. That might need to wait until you are sure this is the right person and they will be able to wear this concept well.
What can you use with your “potential partner”, that is the question? Start by finding out what is important to them in their career, eliciting their values is a great. Eliciting a person’s values will tell you a lot about them and can be done in a non-threatening, even, casual manner.
Once you are past the dating stage and are in a relationship, setting a goal together is also a great way to get alignment. It may create great alignment for that holiday you would love to have in 12 months’ time.
In my experience it was my ability in not getting emotionally charged that made all the difference in my relationship. My wife’s sister said to me before we were married, “You are the only guy my sister has gone out with that she seems calm around, how did you do that”? On reflection I know it was due to the fact that I didn’t have 36 years of pent up relationship “baggage” driving me. In addition I was also really focused on what I wanted in a relationship, not what I did not want. What I did not want was not even on my radar.
Either way I can tell you for sure that using NLP tools with yourself first, then applying them to your relationship without being smug or too self-assured can make a big difference.
Over the years I have seen many a NLP practitioners deal with their “stuff” and then springboard into a loving long term relationships, allowing them to be happy with what they have created, confirming their investment in their personal development.
Let’s face it, being happy with who you are makes a big difference when it comes to attracting the right person into your life. How many times have you been having a good time in life and then found out someone was attracted to you? Making sure you walk the talk and are as real as you can be, feeling happy in “your skin” makes a big difference. The hard part is to remember not to suddenly start coaching or doing therapy with your date or friends of your date; that never goes down well. Keep it light, fun and be the skilled practitioner by leading through example.
It would be great to hear your experiences of dating after your NLP Training, good or bad. How did you use your NLP skills with your partner that has not done an NLP Training?