I have had many graduates who have completed NLP training and when they get home they find themselves wondering “how come my partner seams different?” Or they simply see themselves as being so different after completing NLP Training that the change they experienced seems to change their relationship as well. So what do you do in order to maintain the dynamics of the relationship and allow it to blossom?
Those who have attended an NLP Training understand how your communication improves especially by having your values aligned and cleaned up. This can have such a profound effect in a positive way on you in general, and the achievement of your goals in general.
Going back into your old environment with new tools has an interesting effect on your projections and brings it all to the front of your mind. After you learn NLP you find that your approach to language is different. Suddenly you’re listening to the assumptions behind the language, and you recognize certain patterns that stand out. In other words for the first time you really understand what other people tell you. It also dawns on you that you now use language in a way that is very different from how you used to use it. When you listen to others speak, immediately you start to examine their use of language and find yourself wondering what is the presupposition and the intention behind their communication.
One example is the removal of the “Why” from your vocabulary, replacing it with “how” and “what”. Suddenly you are getting into the fundamentals of the information that is being presented.
Before NLP Training you might have said, “Why did you not put out the garbage?” -sounds more like a blame doesn’t it?
After your NLP training you would say “How did you decide not to put out the garbage?” or “So now that you have forgotten for the last time can you see yourself doing it every Wednesday from now on?” or “What would have to happen for you to remember to take out the garbage, from NOW on?” All of a sudden your partners head will turn sideways, just like a puppy working out the doggie door for the first time. Hey, you’re different!
For me, I have never had a partner that has completed a NLP Training and as many of you would know I was very much “A Born Again NLP Guy” after I completed my trainings.
So what do you do with your partner that has not completed NLP Training?
I strongly suggest that you keep a strong understanding of the “do with” and “not the do to” process. I remember one time I found myself deep in a “parts integration” process when I realized that it was not a good idea! THAT was a big learning for me as I finished the process.
You can be a great example by using the tools! Example of choice VS must do! One story I like to tell is about a trip with my wife and our two girls under 3 to the USA. We were told at the security check point that we could not have the baggage trolley past that point and we must take it back. My wife, a Sagittarian, took a full, deep breath building-up to give the security guard a huge, “who the hell do you think you are?” She was taking her next deep breath and taking aim, (its all in the timing), when I cut in on the insuing barrage. I quickly used my NLP skills, instantly building rapport and giving a nice suggestion that the security guard just had to follow. My wife with a look of sheer amazement on her face, asked me “what did you do?” My response was “these are not the droids you are looking for”.
All jokes aside it is important to remember and apply the Presuppositions of NLP with your non-NLP trained partner. “We are all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us“, is a good one.
However the best peace of advice I can give is, keep your head on and lead by example “be an example of using NLP with the highest intention and integrity”. Soon the curiosity will get the better of them and they will ask some open questions about your skills or understanding of NLP.
We would like to hear some other examples you have had with your partner that has not done a NLP Training. Let’s see how many examples we can get!