What If?
But just for argument sake, let’s say “they” did it to you. And you know all too well who “they” are in your life. Those people who hurt you the most without any doing on your part. Those people who you trusted and opened up to. Yes, those people, And now, you’re victimized by them. And you feel angry and disappointed and sad and depressed – and you feel there is nothing you can do, because you were a victim,
And especially if this happened when you were a child, you’re right. There was nothing you could have done. There is no excuse for their behavior. But there is something you can do now. And there is no excuse for you to do nothing.
One way is to complain so loud that new rules and regulations will be created for you, so that you can show to everybody how victimized you are. I read once a very funny – but very true – metaphor. If a special-needs person requests an elephant as a life companion, when s/he goes to a restaurant, s/he will ask every restaurant to keep a ton of elephant food and four paid elephant-crap sweepers on board at all times, just in case.
You see this attitude in many places. Almost like a form of subtle schizophrenia based on absurdity and confusion.
It sounds ridiculous, but this is exactly what we do when we jump up and down all the time for not having our lives fulfilled and happy. We demand others to bow to our victimization.
Unfortunately, even then we still feel unfulfilled and powerless. Because one day, the restaurant owners could say, “Forget it! I can’t afford to do this anymore!”. And you’re back at square one!
Yeah! That’s life when you’re really making a lot of noise for being victimized.
And then, one day you wake up and say, “God, give me the power to notice what I can change, what I can’t change and know the difference“. If God is not part of your belief, than replace the word God with the One force in the universe, the creative energy at the center of all manifested life.
Can you change your past?
No. Can you change the memories you have? No. They’re part of who you are. They’re part of your life.
What you can do is to change the meaning and let go of the negative emotional load on those memories – therefore changing the meaning of your whole life. That is something you can do – very easily, might I say, and it’s called Time Line Therapy®. We see it happening all the time.
In one of our Time Line Therapy® trainings there was this young woman – mid thirties, happy and jolly person. Laughing and very friendly with everybody in the room. It seemed like she had not a single worry in the world. As we were talking about letting go of negative emotions from the past, she raised her hand and said “what’s the big deal about letting go of negative emotions?”
And that question ensued in a barrage of criticism from several other training participants. You don’t know what happened to me! I was badly abused by my uncle, I was beaten up as a child, I was treated poorly by my parents, I was bullied in school, I was told I was stupid and I will never amount to anything, my ex betrayed me with my best friend, and on and on it went.
And listening to all these, she was sitting there and smiling which made many other people even more irritated.
And then she said: “I was abused physically, sexually and verbally by my father and his two brothers from aged three until 15. I was a mental and emotional wreck. My mother was a willing participant by not doing anything about it. She pretended nothing happened and beat me up when I was complaining.
When I was 15 I left home and lived on the street for three months. After that I got a job. I got back to school. I did not talk much with anybody and my health was very frail. I was mostly sick. I finished school and was nick-named ˜the hermit’. I did not have friends. Then I went to university, all the while having a job to support myself. One day, a friend of mine, one of the very few I had at that time, showed me a business card she received. It was for some sort of coaching.
I took it and went to see this coach. After that, my life has never been the same. I am happy! I truly am! I am not in denial! What happened to me I can’t put in words. But all my bad feelings about that, the feelings that really wrecked me, the anger and hatred, the resentment and hopelessness are gone.
You see me now – I am an optimistic and peaceful person. I am happy! They wanted me to fail. They wanted me to bow down to their abuse. I decided that I have the right to a happy life. I stopped giving them power. In fact you just took me apart for not understanding you. One moment ago you said to me what could I know about your pain because you see me happy and in your mind I could not know anything because I am a spoiled happy girl. And I tell you that I know everything about it. But you will never see it – because I have been able to move on and let go. That’s why I am here – to learn how to do what that coach did with me! So I can help others how he helped me!”
There was silence in the room. You could hear a pin drop ,
It was a good lesson for all of us including me!
There comes a time in every person’s life when there is a fork in the road. You are offered a choice. It can come in many different ways. But all has to do with your empowerment. The question is: what choice will you make then?
It’s up to you of course. And since I truly believe in freedom of choice, I will agree with anything you choose.
But if you choose the process of changing your beliefs, soon thereafter your whole belief system changes and you become more powerful. It’s a great feeling of true freedom if you get there.
And if reading this makes you reject it as being crazy, remember that you arrived to this site for a reason. You’re searching for something. Now you may not like the way this thing is being presented to you but at least ask yourself what is it in here for you – maybe you’re missing something, and then read this article again.
Until next time, be well.