NLPCoaching.com Contest 2015 – Martin Daubney

I’m just the tour guide!

When I first met Henry it was nothing to do with NLP. His wife had contacted me as I also work developing Emotional Intelligence in Leaders. Henry had been told, during his annual appraisal, that he need to develop empathy. Henry wasn’t happy. I didn’t even consider it at the time but with hindsight, this man who I thought was a bit miserable, was probably borderline depressed. Henry has a high responsibility job, leading a team of researchers at one of the world’s largest pharmaceutical companies.

As we got on, we talked about emotional intelligence, discussed his current situation, about him, his hopes and desires. At this time, I didn’t know anything about shaking up someone’s model of the world, maps not being territories or getting to the root causes when disconnected,at this time, I wasn’t even an NLP Practitioner.

We continued with “traditional” coaching and we were getting somewhere slowly. As Henry, being a scientist, read a lot and had to investigate everything, we have had a long coaching relationship, with gaps, sometimes of several months.

Then I signed up for my ABNLP Practitioner Course, in Manchester, with one of the UK’s finest! This changed not only my life, but as you will read later, it changed Henry’s too. Once certified, I was keen to give it a go. Yes, NLP is a do with process, but to get some proficiency, you need someone willing to “do it with”. Fortunately, Henry got back in touch. His relationship with his boss was deteriorating. He needed help.

As an NLP Coach, this meeting was revolutionary as Henry started to open up. When talking about his “incompetent” boss he became tense. His mood changed. His boss irritated him and didn’t “do things the way he should do things”. Henry got angry, and I reflected that to him. At which point the flood gates opened and out poured his life story.

This man was abused by his alcoholic father. His mother couldn’t take it and committed suicide. Henry hated his father so much that he “kicked his coffin at the funeral”. He is glad that his father died. After getting his life (sort of) back on track, he botched relationships, but years later married and has two young children, but life is tense. He gets angry with his son for not performing well at school. He didn’t sleep well, he drank too much whisky and he is woken in the morning with a head full of work and work related problems. He hates going to work. Mealtimes are tense. Henry is tense. And angry.

I suggested Time Line Therapy® knowing that Henry would need to research it before agreeing to it. He later wrote,”I did some googling on Time Line Therapy®, but what I found was not really scientific. Would like to discuss this with you in more detail!”

By now, I am a Master Practitioner, and realise that the solution to his problems were within his grasp, and research completed, Henry was ready for Time Line Therapy® and Hypnosis. We started with Anger, and he entered into the process fully and completely. Coming back to now, however was tricky and I am thankful I saw a clear demonstration of what to do when someone gets stuck in their time line. I got tough and directed Henry “nice and high, nice and safe” to get him out of the event that was causing him so much angst. An event, also coupled with fear, we went back on the time line to deal with fear and everything cleared up. This particular session then finished with some hypnosis with strong positive suggestions and Henry woke up.

I remember a physical response to letting go of anger when I first went through Time Line Therapy® myself. Henry’s response was much stronger, as he said his head hurt. My inner talk went “Oh heck..what have I done?” but I suggested that it was normal and his neurology was realigning. To be fair I had no idea!

The next day Henry sent me an email,

I do not fully understand what happened, but the first couple of days, I had a few times, pressure on the forehead, After that, very much awake and a clear mind.

Next,I do react quite relaxed on decisions, matters. Last year I would have been stressed today: it is “as it is” and I hope we can find a solution. At work I planned to go to the US, travel budget cut: no traveling allowed. Tcsh!.., again – it is as it is. My boss felt so sorry, I was simply thinking: “a few more days with the family 🙂 “. Also at work with colleagues, I take a few more moments to discuss family pow wow, reflect a bit more, but on the other hand I am much more focused with a higher output.

The interactions with my kids,My son asked me are you happier dad,did Martin do that,? So you owe him an explanation,

Martin the last week has been great, I love the kids, I love my wife even more, and last but not least I wake up before my mental computer has rebooted. I wake up with an empty thinking, no work just the family, I even whistle when I walk to the office, and work starts when I am behind my desk. Interestingly, the tinnitus has also gone.

Henry continues to improve. We keep in contact and together prepared him for a new job in a different company, which he got! I can see such a difference in him, but more importantly he sees it in himself.

You ask,do we transform?

The answer has to be yes. In out last correspondence Henry thanked me for, in his words “giving me back myself”. I didn’t do anything Henry. I’m just the tour guide, you did all the work!

Credits: NLPCoaching.com