NLPCoaching.com Contest 2015 – Winner – Camelia Păduraru

A Series of Inconvenient Truths I Had to Accept to Heal my Ulcer

I was diagnosed with duodenal ulcer when I was 8. I can still remember that moment very vividly. Everything was dark and quiet in the medical office and three doctors were evaluating my radioscopy, totally amazed: ˜Do you see what I see?‘, asked one of them. ˜Oh, my God, yes!‘, said another. ˜So, it’s really ulcer, isn’t it?’, ˜Yes, that’s what it seems!’. They were exchanging curious looks wondering: ˜But ulcer? At 8? How is that possible?’

I was a kid. What did I know? Nothing much, but my brain was already building the connection that was going to be reinforced with the reaction of each person to whom I’d say that I have ulcer: ˜It must be something interesting this ulcer thing’.

I was put on medication. I would diligently follow diets, take remedies of all sorts, knowing that, as I had been told, it couldn’t be healed, but only kept ˜under control’. And the pain was there, constant and disturbing. The main premise about its cause was stress. So much so that it’s placed me under my parents’ protective shield ever since: ˜don’t stay up late to study, go to sleep’, ˜don’t stress yourself too much’, ˜take things lightly’. The seeds of what we call ˜secondary gain’ in NLP were being planted. And having ulcer was becoming a significant part of my identity.

15 years later, in 2008, I was introduced to the field of NLP during the first Practitioner Training in Tad James’ FasTrackâ„¢ format in Romania. I was expecting an experience that was going to provide valuable information to the psychology geek in me. What I didn’t expect at all, though, was the way it challenged my model of the world and how it was going to change my life forever.

Here are a couple of very inconvenient truths that not only contributed to my healing process, but also to living a completely different life.

I Had Created It

One of the first premises you’ll learn in NLP is that in life, you’re either at Cause for everything that happens, either at the Effect of circumstances. Being at Cause presupposes taking responsibility and assuming that you create your reality. On the Effect side, you’re a victim and things happen to you.

It wasn’t easy to swallow, especially as my trainer told me during a break: ˜You don’t have ulcer, you have created it!‘ It sounded very confrontational and it shook me: ˜How dare you say that? You mean that I’m inventing it? Do you know the pain I’m going through? How could one create that?‘ And of course, no sane person creates nasty stuff consciously. But by accepting that ˜the sum total of your conscious and unconscious decisions has brought you to where you are now’, you take the power of doing something about it back. It took me a while to process it, until my first ˜aha’ kicked in: ˜Wait a second! If I accept that I created it, it means that I also have the ability to un-create it, doesn’t it?’ I was ending the game of victimhood and beginning the process of empowerment.

It Had a Deeply Unconscious Root Cause

The second aspect I was made aware of was the way negative emotions and significant past experiences shape our reality. ˜You don’t have ulcer, you have anger’, my trainer told me. Another ˜no way‘ in my mind, as I had the reputation of this very calm, self contained individual that would avoid any kind of confrontation and conflict. I had to accept that the anger was there though. Plenty of it and seriously repressed. And then, that ˜my‘ ulcer was the unconscious response to the loss of territory and attention I felt when my younger brother was born and then, when he started having health issues. Unconsciously, I probably thought: ˜oh, so that’s how you receive attention? Fine, I can do it too!’

It Had Served Me

Now, accepting it was one thing, but then, when being presented with the possibility of letting go of the anger, I found myself resisting it. Regardless of how unpleasant the stomach pain had been during all those years, the truth is that it had served me. It gave me a feeling of specialness. No one else my age had that. It gave me care, attention and a sense of identity and ownership. And that’s the fact: when we live the illusion that the gain associated to our problems is greater than the pain, we won’t be willing to let them go. So think of it: what is something that you haven’t managed to solve yet? What would you gain and what would you lose if you did?

Embracing Change and Living an Empowered Life

I finally realized that there were so many other ways to define myself. I no longer needed my ulcer to feel special. When I was ready to let go of the anger, it went away in an instant with the Time Line Therapy® techniques. I felt a huge burden leaving my body and I knew my ulcer was gone, right there and then.

My journey of keeping a condition under control became a journey of constant transformation and growth. I began challenging my limitations, one by one. I built a new vision for my life. Now, my meaning comes from constant learning, from passing on these valuable resources and from assisting others in overcoming their own no longer wanted blocks.

It’s not always easy and you have to be willing to do whatever it takes, but once you do it, it propels you to a whole new existential level. And the beauty of it is not the accomplishment itself, but who you are becoming on the way.

The disease is ready to go when it no longer recognizes its host, ancient wisdom teaches us. I am a different person now. Empowered and living a wholehearted life.